5 Reasons Why Tate Is The Best Dog Ever

1. He is a handsome devil.

2. He is a good hiking/walking buddy (except for when he stops right in front of you, or sees an animal, or another person, or a piece of trash and needs to check it out right now.)

3. He doesn't chew on things or bite people or pee in the house or bark incessantly or dig.

4. He is super sweet.

5. This is how much he loves food, which I think is kind of relatable for anyone.

(He didn't even do a backflip this time).

xoxo Liz

2,987 miles of AWESOME!

Dear Internet,

Welp, I'm back! Will and I had a fantastic road trip last week and he's in his first week as a hotshot now in Quincy, CA. I'll just get right into it.

Here was our route:

View Will and Liz's Excellent Adventure in a larger map

We started of Monday morning heading west through Missoula and Spokane, WA (which was a pretty cool little town), then down through the Columbia River Gorge on the border between Washington and Oregon. We'd had no idea we were in for such a gorgeous drive!

The Columbia River Gorge (and Will)

Then we crossed into Oregon and camped near Mount Hood just east of Portland.

Mount Hood, apple orchards.

It was pretty cold and even snowed/sleeted on us in the night, but the next morning we continued west toward Portland. On the way, we stopped at Multnomah Falls.

Multnomah Falls

In Portland, we went to the International Rose Test Garden, which was pretty un-rosey since it's still early in the season, but it was nice to walk around. Then, we went to all the rest of the typical touristy things: Voodoo Doughnut, Powell's Books, the Portlandia statue, Mill Ends Park (at 2 feet in diameter, it's the smallest park in the world), and even a Thai food cart.

At the International Rose Test Garden

Then we headed south to Eugene, where Ben is in school at the University of Oregon. He showed us around campus and the town and made me kind of jealous - it's a pretty cool place! Will and I went for pizza while he did some homework, and then we hung out with some of his friends and spent the night on his dorm room floor - pretty close quarters!

In the morning we saw Ben off to class and continued south toward the Redwoods with a detour at Crater Lake. It was beautiful, but still covered in snow, so many of the trails and roads were closed. We  walked up the one plowed road to get some great views of the lake:

Crater Lake, the deepest lake in the US.

Not kidding - TONS of snow!

After our walk, we continued on our way to the Redwoods! It was a beautiful park on the coast. We went on a nice drive through a grove of redwoods (the tallest trees on Earth!) and camped on the coast.

Redwoods

We camped just down the coast on the cliffs here. But there
was a path down to the beach!

Psst... we camped without a permit. Don't tell anyone. We got there about 30 minutes after the office that issues permits closed and the guy on the phone was absolutely unhelpful at finding some kind of alternative... so we just camped there anyway! Ooops.

My little car has been from coast to coast!

The "plan" at this point was to head to Quincy the next day, drop Will off, and spend Friday driving back to Montana for my Color Me Rad 5k in Missoula on Saturday morning. This was both so that I could make the race and so Will could have a couple days to meet everyone on his crew, get to know Quincy, and so on. But, when he suggested that we extend the trip until Sunday and go see Yosemite instead of heading straight to Quincy... how could I say no?!

From the beach near our campsite

So the next morning, we continued south through the park (instead of east out of it) and just had to go through one of those famous drive-through trees. This one - the Chandlier Tree - was in Leggett, CA.

Car in a tree!

Then, since we were going within about 12 miles of it on our way to Yosemite, we decided to stop by the Golden Gate Bridge!

One of my VISTA friends in Helena, who used to live in San
Francisco, recommended that we go to the Marin Headlands
for the best view of the Bridge. Great tip!

Cheesin' it

Will, not cheesin' it

After a mild GPS hiccup (who would have thought there would be a city square called Yosemite Park almost 3 hours west of the National Park?!), we made it to Yosemite that night and camped just outside the park.

In the morning, we visited Merced Sequoia Grove (within Yosemite). Turns out sequoias are the biggest trees (as in, biggest around), while redwoods are the tallest. So we needed to see the absolute biggest!

Sequoias at Merced Grove... see Will down there
at the bottom?

Then we headed into the famed Yosemite Valley for some hiking! After the (amazingly uncrowded) drive through the Valley, we decided to hike about 4.5 miles up Yosemite Falls, which (fun fact) I just found out is haunted.

El Capitan

Will, Half Dome, and the Yosemite Valley from the hike up Yosemite Falls

Yosemite Falls and Half Dome

A rock climber on the Lost Arrow, a section of rock which separated
from the rest of the cliff that hosts Yosemite Falls. Impressive!

After a great hike (one of my favorites, probably!), we debated staying in Yosemite for another night or jamming in one more activity before we had to split up the next day. In the end, we decided to drive up to Lake Tahoe for one last adventure! We stopped about an hour south of the lake and camped by the side of the road in the National Forest around 11pm.

Lake Tahoe, seen from Emerald Bay at the south end.

We did a couple short hikes around Eagle Falls, which feeds into the Lake, and Vikingsholm, a castle-y home built by a wealthy widow in 1929 because Lake Tahoe reminded her of a fjord. She also built a tea house on an island in Emerald Bay (at the south end of the lake), which she only used a few times a year.

The island tea house

Vikingsholm

Another view of Lake Tahoe

We drove around the east side of Tahoe (and stopped for a delicious lunch at an In-N-Out Burger), then over to Quincy and Will's base. After a walk around the town, some groceries, and showers, we said goodbye and I drove to Reno, NV for the night.

My uncle and his new wife hosted me in Reno for the night, which was great. They were nice enough to take me out to dinner (and dessert!) and show me around town a little. It was great to see them since I couldn't make it to their wedding last summer!

The next morning, I left early for my drive home. On the way I stopped at Craters of the Moon National Monument and Preserve (not sure what the "monument" part of that is). Will and our friend Andrew from ERT had hitchhiked past Craters of the Moon in the dark last fall when they biked from Butte to the coast of Oregon, but hadn't had a chance to check it out. So I did!

It is not a very pretty park. But it is very cool - 2,000 year-old cooled lava flows and other remnants of volcanic activity, frozen in time. The park has a 7-mile loop you can drive and stop at places that look interesting (including "Devil's Orchard," "Spatter Cones," and "Molded Trees"). It was tough to limit myself to only a few places so that I stayed on schedule!

Lava at the North Crater Lava Flow.

Texture

Porous volcanic rocks

Spatter Cones, or miniature volcanoes

Then I finished the last leg of my journey home - and that's about it! It was an incredible week, with just the right amount of spontaneity, and I wish we were still road trippin'. It will be a long summer, and I can't wait 'till October or so when Will comes home. Who knows - maybe another road trip will be in order?

xoxo Liz

Update!

Dear Internet,

So I've known for a little bit but because I'm an awful person I haven't told you until now: Will got a job! He will be a hotshot firefighter in Plumas County, California. It's a step up from being on an engine or hand crew - a little more prestigious, and they get called in for harder work. So it's great. Plus, it pays really well.

View Larger Map

The downside is that it's in California, and that it lasts until October-ish. But it's good for him... so it'll work somehow.

I'm driving there with him, and we leave on Monday! The plan is to drive through Portland, OR and Eugene to see Ben, then through Crater Lake, the Redwoods, and Lassen Volcanic National Park. When I drive back, I'll go through Reno, NV to see my Uncle Glenn (maybe), and stop in Missoula for the Color Me Rad 5k and Brewfest. Should be a great trip - I'll update with pictures after I get back!

Today Will and I had a great day. He's been working at Gates of the Mountains, a really spectacular area on the Missouri. There was supposed to be a tour that we were going to tag along on, but the tour group never showed up so his boss let us take a boat out on our own. We cruised around for a while (Will learned really quickly how to drive a motorboat) and hiked at Mann Gulch, where 13 smoke jumpers died in August of 1949. I learned about that fire in fire training last year with ERT, so it was cool and really humbling to see it in person. It is REALLY steep - I would not have made it out of that fire either!

From today:

Driving the boat. Is that what you call it?

View of the river from the pictograph area

1300 year-old pictographs by Native Americans along the river

Mann Gulch. You can't really tell how steep it is from the picture.

One of 13 graves on the hill at Mann Gulch

Looking down at Mann Gulch

Another view from the ridge!

Anyway, more pictures to come!

xoxo Liz

We need to talk about this

Dear Internet,

DISCLAIMER: I’m about to go on a long rant about feminism. If this makes you uncomfortable or you just don’t want to deal with it, skip to the life updates at the bottom (handily positioned after some asterisks ***). No one will know.

Do you ever have those days or weeks when it seems like one topic comes up over and over again? Like you’re continually thinking about the same issues within different “compartments” or parts of your life? For me lately, it’s been feminism, misogyny, and the general oppression of women. And I’d like to talk about it.

I’ve been a feminist since I knew what that was, and never really understood women who weren’t feminists (“so... you don’t want to be treated equally to men?”) What brought this on in particular, though, was a series of recent experiences, as well as a few things I’ve been reading.

A week or two ago, some bored Canadian guy harassed me on the help desk I run at work. It was nothing that surprising (“hey baby, I’m having trouble with my software, can you turn it into a hard drive?” - which would be a better pick-up line if it were technologically possible) - but the fact that it’s not surprising is the part I want to talk about (keep reading).

Because what was surprising was how uncomfortable it made me. The software we use for the help desk provides a lot of information about the people we’re chatting with, including where they are. So I knew this guy was in Calgary and that there was nothing that he could physically do to me. I guess I’m lucky that this was the situation and that I could be surprised, not having been harassed really before. But it still left me feeling - I’m not sure what to call it... attacked? Assaulted? Vulnerable?

It was odd and it reminded me of an article I’d read recently: “A Letter To The Guy Who Harassed Me Outside The Bar,” by Emily Heist Moss for Role/Reboot. In the article, which I recommend, the author talks about how harassers don’t think they’re harassing you. They think they’re being funny, and that if you get defensive, you just have no sense of humor. They don’t realize that they may be the fourth or fifth or sixth guy to treat you that way in a day/week/month/whatever. They may know that they mean no harm, but how are you to know it?

Another sentiment the author expressed that resonated with me was the feeling, in the back of her mind, that someday she would be physically sexually assaulted. The statistics are so high (1 in 5 women in the US are raped at some point in their life) that you almost start to expect it. She said she sometimes thinks in terms of “her rape,” as in “okay, dark alley, 9pm, the seventh of September... so this is how it happens.”

Another good article on this subject is “So you’re tired of hearing about ‘rape culture’?” by Lauren Nelson for Rant Against the Random.

After the chat exchange described above, I walked down the street during my lunch break and there were some drunk guys hanging out by a bar, yelling requests across the street for random girls to marry them. It was stupid, and pretty non-threatening, and kind of pathetic. But by that point I was so not in the mood for it.

Luckily, my destination during that lunchtime stroll was to buy a ticket to the Vagina Monologues, in which my roommate Nora was preforming. If you’ve never heard of it or seen it, the Monologues address a lot of the issues I’m talking about: domestic violence, violence against women, and women’s right to their own bodies (and, as the name might imply, sexuality). So I was really ready to see it, and it did not disappoint. Nora and the rest of the cast did a great job: some of the skits are really funny, and some are really sad, but all leave a big impression. If you ever have a chance to see the Monologues preformed (usually on Valentine’s Day, though this one wasn’t), I’d highly recommend it. Guys... there will be a few of you scattered throughout the audience. Try not to look too uncomfortable.

They also showed this short video at the performance, which maybe it was just the emotional high I was on, but I thought it was a really impactful promo for the organization “One Billion Rising.” If you still have a problem with the word “vagina,” maybe check out this article too: “Biology Teacher Faces Investigation for Use Of Word ‘Vagina’ in Anatomy Lesson,” by Callie Beusman for Jezebel.

Later, while thinking about all of this, I remembered a few instances when I was in college traveling in India and Sri Lanka when other women in my group were attacked or targeted. Both were in much more dangerous situations than mine - one was alone in her hotel room when a room service waiter with other things on his mind delivered, and another was physically grabbed on the beach while with a male friend by a random stranger. Neither was hurt, but it scared me to see how rattled they both were by their separate experiences. Both were strong, independent and opinionated women who sort of fell apart, at least for a short while following their experiences.

I guess I’m sharing all this because statistics are just numbers until it happens to you. I knew in my head that violence against women and all that were problems, but they were distant ones - and more importantly, the scariness of them was distant. When you’re confronted with that kind of situation, I think you realize suddenly that you have no control over what’s about to happen to your body. There’s no logic or reason or way to combat it when you’re in that situation. The only thing for it is prevention, and part of prevention is awareness and talking about the problem ahead of time. So that’s what I’m doing. This is something that we all need to be talking about until it finally goes away.

Just to drive the point home: yesterday in the park some random guy started shouting at Nora about her breasts. I feel safe for the most part in Helena but it’s like they put something in the water lately.

There are two other topics that I was going to get to but I guess I’ll just leave it to your reading pleasure. The first is women’s ownership of their own bodies, which you might not think is an issue really until you start reading and realize all the places that this crops up. Here are some great articles: “Can We Please Leave Willow Smith’s Hair Alone?” by Heather Taylor for HelloGiggles (I had the same issue when I cut my hair off!), and “Gay Men’s Sexism and Women’s Bodies,” by Yolo Akili for the Good Men Project.

The second is women’s ability to openly like what they like, without fear of repercussion. I can’t really think of how to phrase that better, but basically I mean women being able to like sparkly things while still being feminists (read “What Does Feminism Mean to You? This is What it Means to Zooey Deschanel,” by Michelle Konstantinovsky for HelloGiggles), or liking “boy” things and still being normal girls and women (read “Why I Bought Boys’ Underwear For My Daughter,” by Tom Burns for the Huffington Post). For some reason society has this proscribed image of “normal” girls liking Barbie dolls and (dare I say it?) “Butch” or “feminist” girls liking the Ninja Turtles. Which is just absurd.

I think that’s about it on the “rant” portion of the post. I don’t mean to offend or scare anyone or make you think that I’m in immediate danger. I’m not. I shared my experiences in order to make a point about society as a whole and general trends that have affected me that I think are important and worth sharing.

***

On to happier things, Will got a job! It’s a temporary gig until mid-May as a dockhand (not deckhand; turns out there’s a world of difference and my friend thought he was a pirate) at Gates of the Mountains (GOTM). GOTM is a really pretty area about 20 minutes north of Helena that Lewis and Clark passed through (and named) in 1805. There was also a really terrible fire at Mann Gulch near there in 1949 (so it goes). They run boat tours in the summer, so Will is helping to get set up for that. I’m eager to go on the tour when I get a chance, so if anyone wants to come visit me here that’s one thing on the agenda!

He also has a pretty good feeling about some fire jobs in Kalispell, Montana and Plumas County, California. He should hopefully hear back from both of those within the next week or so and be able to make a choice.

If you’re friends with me on Facebook, you probably already know this next update: we got a dog! His name is Tate (I mentioned him in my last post), and he’s a black lab/hound from the Humane Society, about three years old.

Looking majestic (even with his own slobber on his face)
in the setting sun through a kitchen window

He is super cute and affectionate and pretty easy. He’s actually been getting harder to handle as he gets more comfortable with us! But nothing too bad - he gets into food at any chance he gets, but he’s not aggressive about it and never bites and hardly barks. He also never digs, fights with other dogs, is scared of weird things, or has most of the other problems that shelter dogs can come with. So overall, he’s pretty easy. Will and I are working on some basic commands and leash walking skills with him (he’s especially bad when there are distractions, like CATS), but that’s about it. If you come and visit you will love my “Tater Tot!”

Atta boy, Tate.

Other than that, I’m still plugging away at work and liking it pretty well. One of the big things recently is that the Guide to Copyright and Creative Commons that I wrote was released to our website, and has gotten a decent response so far. I’m working on an Advocacy Guide next, and a Web Accessibility Guide is coming down the pipeline after that. So keep an eye out or I’ll let you know!

Tate and his friend Zoey. Can you guess who's who?

Anyway, it's late. I can tell because Tate is making all kinds of weird dog-noises in the midst of his dog-dreams. That means he's in REM, and I should be too. Toodles!
xoxo Liz

DOG

Dear Internet,

On a related note, I might be adopting this dog soon. I sure hope so. I have been wanting to get one since I moved here but since I wasn't sure what I was doing next, etc., I didn't think it was a great idea. But, my defenses are breaking down, plus I just decided that I'll be in Montana for another year and a half anyway! Also, Will kept talking me out of getting a dog.... but then he met this guy... and his defenses broke down too. So we are all in!

His name is Tate.

Right now we are waiting on the Humane Society to approve the application I dropped off last week. Hopefully they don't mind that I have roommates and not a real house and let me have Tate anyway. In the meantime, I have been looking at lots of pictures of dogs on the Internet, psyching myself up for it. This list of dog animations is HILARIOUS, and so is this video. Enjoy! For more cute pictures of puppies, you can also look at my Pinterest account.

I'll keep you updated!
xoxo Liz

Another year in Montana!

Dear Internet,

Sorry for the delay in updating you, but I made the decision after speaking with my undergraduate thesis mentor to stay another year in Montana instead of accepting my admission to American University.

I'm planning to get some more experience - hopefully a job at MLSA (the legal aid office I work in now) doing intake. Intake basically involves answering the phone all day and letting people yell at you about whatever their (perceived) legal problem is, screening them for eligibility (they have to be at or below 125% of the federally-set poverty level), and then either forwarding their case to an attorney or telling them where else they can go to find help. It's exhausting but you learn a lot about how to deal with different kinds of legal problems.

I'll also be retaking the LSAT (gag!) and applying to six or eight schools at once, instead of randomly to one at a time. I'm retaking the LSAT because the score I have now is kind of holding me back - it's not putting me at the same caliber schools that my GPA does. I think I can do better.... so round #3, I guess.

This also means I get to live in Montana for another year, which is great. Who wouldn't want to live within 20 minutes of here,

Gates of the Mountains

and here,

Taken from Mt. Ascension in Helena

and here,

Fishing at Black Sandy State Park with Will and Sula, my friend's dog

and here?

the Sleeping Giant, mountains just north of Helena

Anyway, I alternately feel really good about my decision and mildly nervous that I screwed myself over and won't get into American again. But it will be fine. Right?

That's all for now!
xoxo Liz

Reflections

Dear Internet,

So I got into American University's Washington College of Law (WCL) today.

There's not an exclamation point at the end of that sentence because it introduces a lot of tough decisions for me. It's kind of freaking me out actually. When I found out last month that I didn't get into Berkeley (oh... did I not tell you that?), things were a lot easier.

The international humanitarian/human rights law and public service programs at WCL are really, really awesome. That's what made me apply - certainly not any desire to live in DC again. They even have this really cool, really innovative program in which they use international human rights standards and treaties to argue domestic public interest cases. So, for example, instead of just using US or state law in a domestic violence case, they'd use international standards calling personal safety a fundamental human right under UN guidelines. They're also just a go-to authority on international humanitarian, human rights, and public interest law.

There are a lot of considerations, though. They're hard to put into words, but I'll do my best.

1. I don't want to live in DC. I said that already, but whatever. I'd like to stay in the West. The thing is, if I go to say, the University of Montana, I'm kind of pigeonholed for practicing in Montana. That's what I liked about Berkeley - you can go anywhere with a degree from Berkeley. I do like living here in Helena, but I like having options too. And there are a lot of good schools out here, but none with the kind of reputations and name recognition you find in the East. It's just hard. I'm running out of words...

2. There's this scholarship. It's a Public Interest and Public Service full ride scholarship to WCL. When I first saw it, I was all like, "it's perfect! I'm a great candidate for this!" Then I looked at the biographies of current recipients... and wasn't so sure. These people are awesome. A WCL grad who works at Montana Legal Services with me said that it's basically people who would otherwise go to Ivy League schools. Am I at that level? Doubtful.

I missed the deadline by about two weeks and I'm not sure if I should defer acceptance for a year (if the school will let me) so I can apply next year, or if I should just accept that there's a good chance I won't get the scholarship and attend this year.

If I go for the scholarship, there's this whole pressure to be constantly awesome. I feel like I need to build my resume for the next year, which I hate - that's why I took time off after college. I'm sick of constantly resume-building and feeling like I need to be an over-achiever 24/7. I don't want to live like that. I like having free time to do random things that I like, such as joining a bowling league and hiking and reading for pleasure, and not feeling stressed out all the time.

3. I do want to live in Montana for another year. I like it here. I'm sick of moving every single year. I'd like to be more stable. I'd actually really like to do intake for MLSA for a year - it's a tough job, with people yelling at you all day and whatnot, but you learn a lot. That would potentially be a good resume-building and enjoyable thing (well, "enjoyable" is not really the right word), but with this sequestration thing MLSA is getting cut $60,000. Hiring me is probably not a priority. Maybe I can intern or volunteer somehow? I don't know.

4. I haven't applied to that many schools; really, only American and Berkeley. I did this whole law school application thing kind of weirdly and sporadically, and I should look around more and apply to other schools, too... right?

5. I still don't know what exactly I want to study. I'm torn between public interest and international humanitarian law (IHL). I studied IHL in college and love it, but I think if that's my main focus and in the future, my practice area, I'm really limiting myself in terms of what kind of life I lead and where I can live. I feel limited to living in either New York or DC or abroad somewhere... which I'm not sure is what I want. So, public interest is also a great option - you can work for a legal aid anywhere in the country. But I can't quite let go of IHL, I guess.

Mostly, accepting feels like a really big step and I don't know if I can do it. It's oppressively important. I sent a few emails pleading for advice - from WCL, from my undergraduate research mentor, from Berkeley (about why they didn't let me in) - so hopefully those help me to make a decision soon.

This is harder than college. I've said it before, but the hardest part about being a grown up is deciding what you want (and how to get there). Gahh.

This is definitely true for me. I'll be perversely
pleased if it's true for others, too.

In other news, Will moved in about three weeks ago and is still job searching. A word of advice: if you have a job now, don't quit. This is not a great time to look for a new one. He's still hoping to get some kind of wildfire-related job, but it's so competitive (460 applicants for three slots in Helena... um, what?!). I'll let you know if something changes there. It is great to have him around, but some certainty job-wise would be excellent right about now.

Other than that, things are good. I'm really enjoying my job now and have been developing some in-depth how-to guides for legal aid organizations. I finished one on copyright law and am now working on one about advocacy and creating a bigger impact than just one client at a time. It's really interesting and I've enjoyed it a lot. I'm also hosting a discussion on disaster planning for legal aid in a few weeks, which is great since that's a subject so close to my heart ever since ERT. Oh, and they named me VISTA of the quarter. So that's pretty neat ;)

It's finally warming up here too! Come on, spring!

xoxo Liz

The Hobbit/Lord of the Rings

Dear Internet,

I just started reading The Hobbit last night, and then I had a really epic dream about a dragon that turned into a fairy woman and I was the only one who could defeat it, so I threw apples and shoes and other small objects at it. Everyone was wildly happy with my success. So, needless to say, I'm hooked on this book.

And this is just funny.

xoxo Liz

On that note

2013 is the first year since 1987 to have four different digits.

Dear Internet,

That's a good fun fact, isn't it? Anyway, happy new year! It has been quite some time, hasn't it, Internet?

So Ben came to visit me in Helena over Thanksgiving, which was nice. We had dinner with the other VISTAs and went hiking a couple of times. He helped me dogsit for one of the attorneys in my office and I even got my car stuck in some snow for a few hours. It was cool to see him as a college boy and he sounds like he's having a great time in Oregon.

Ben & Sula

I mentioned snow; it's been pretty cold but beautiful here. It was 3 degrees when I walked to work this morning. Cheers.

The St. Helena Cathedral

On my walk to work

Outside my window one morning.

Halfway through December, I flew home to Northern Virginia to hang out with my family for Christmas. We celebrated my Mom's birthday with a fancy Italian dinner and drove down to South Carolina to see my grandparents, which was also great (and warm). It was a quiet, nice time.

Mom with birthday cookies at the restaurant.

After Christmas, I flew up to Vermont to meet Will's family. They were super nice and welcoming, and I had a great time. The first day I was there, Will and I went snowshoeing; the second, cross-country skiing at Smuggler's Notch; and the third, we hiked Camel's Hump (the third-highest mountain in Vermont and the one on which Will's family lives) and sledded down it.

Camels Hump is on the Vermont state quarter. We sledded about... here.

That night, we drove over to New Hampshire to see our friend June from ERT. The next morning, we went snowmobiling with June and her dad. So many things I've never done before! It was awesome. To cap it off, the next day, back in Vermont, Will taught me to shoot a .22 rifle and a 20-gauge shotgun. Scary! But cool to know how.

Finally, we got up at 4am on my last day in Vermont to drop Will off at his Wilderness EMT class at SOLO in New Hampshire, then I flew back to Montana.

June, me, and Will with the two (second one is cleverly hidden) snowmobiles.

So I'm back in Montana and that's about it for updates. I'm looking forward to Will's moving to Helena in about a month; until then, I'll be bowling and book clubbing and cross country skiing in Yellowstone this weekend (with the same attorney, Caroline, that Ben and I dogsat for back in November). I'll also fly to Jacksonville, Florida in two weeks so that I can warm up. Just kidding. It's for the Technology Initiative Grant (TIG) conference. And to warm up.

In other news, I submitted my application to Berkeley yesterday! Berkeley Law has been my dream school for probably three or four years now and it's exciting to finally be in the running. It's a long shot that I'll get in (about 270 in 7,000 actually), but, you know, someone has to go there. It might as well be me. Anyway, I'll hear by April.

I've been thinking about what it would be like to go there, and you know, in the last few months or year(s), I've been realizing how fickle dreams can be. For example, I used to picture myself as an international jet-setter, living in New York City part time and Paris/Istanbul/Mumbai/Beijing/etc. the rest of the time. The picture in my head was a sort of cross between Carrie Bradshaw and Carmen Sandiego: glamorous and worldly and constantly on the go.

When I studied abroad in Germany (an event I pictured as just the start of many long stints abroad), I was startled by the feeling of homesickness. I was never homesick (not even when I was seven and went to Girl Scout sleepaway camp and all the other girls alternately gossiped about Jonathan Taylor Thomas and cried for home). The feeling caught me completely off guard. I actually didn't know what was wrong with me at first - was I coming down with something? Anyway, the point I'm making is that since then, I've begun to realize (1) that moderation is key. Comfort zone + novelty = balance. (2) that my dreams might not be quite what I thought they were.

When I visited San Francisco back in November, I found myself actually overwhelmed by the amount of stuff available. It was like having too many good options in a restaurant. You find yourself completely incapacitated and staring at the waiter like a guppy. Or maybe that's just me. Whatever.

I missed Helena. It's the first small city I've lived in (I'm purposely not counting Ashburn or Elon, because both are really just suburbs), and I like being able to walk everywhere. I like that traffic is not a huge problem. I like that there is a given number of restaurants, museums, and theaters, and that it's actually feasible and financially conceivable for me to visit all of them in a year. I like that I can have "regular" places without feeling like I'm missing out on other things. It's comfortable. It's a new thing (like the homesickness thing) that I've learned about myself, and that forces me to reassess my dreams.

Maybe what I'm really finding out is that I'm a crotchety old lady at heart. I like to feel comfortable where I am, not constantly stimulated and out of my element. I don't thrive on change as much as I would maybe like to. I like a certain degree of novelty, but not too much. Perhaps that's the issue: the gap between who I'd like to be and who I'm finding that I really am. I wonder which one of the two should be writing my dreams.

Regardless of everything I just said, I would be ecstatic to get in. I might think harder than I would have two years ago about accepting, but I'm 99% sure I would still do it. On the other hand, I'm honestly not worried or nervous about it. Maybe the fickleness of my dreams doesn't mean that they've changed, but that I can see them without tunnel vision. Berkeley is not the only option. It's a damn good one, but I'm pretty sure I could be happy going to school here in Montana, or in Seattle, or in any number of other places. There are, I've learned, a number of ways to be happy.

Anyway, all of this pondering is assuming that I'm accepted, which (I just did the math), I have about a 3.8% chance of. So.

I'm realizing as I write that what I'm getting at is bigger than Berkeley. It's the whole life/future reassessment that's kind of been going on in the back of my head for a while now. So, well, now you know.

Cheers, everyone, and happy new year!
xoxo Liz.